The big issues

It’s scan time here at the Triv Media Control Console.  La Triv’s judicious edit of the past week’s current affairs — with bonus analysis — will save you time and equip you with all you need to know to sound knowledgeable and in-the-loop on the issues that made the world turn this past week.

Oprah’s Photographed With Her Hair in its Natural State.  Onya Opes.  Though is this meant to be a hardship shot?  You still look amazing.  No way La Triv would agree to be snapped with her hair au naturel — known beneath the dusty rafters as Shaggy Sheeps Wool Meets Rusty Brillo Pad.

MasterChef May Move to Melbourne.  These men do much for the profile of pudgy chaps, don’t they?  They may take their tasty caravan to Melbourne.  Or, rather, all get to stay in their home city for the next season.

Wayne Swan hearts The Boss.  Srsly?  OMG.  If this isn’t a desperate, though misplaced, grab for street cred I have no idea what is.  “Last night I woke up with the sheets soakin’ wet and a freight train runnin’ through the middle of my head…”  Do you think Swanny hums this on Budget morning?

By the way, this is a pic of Bruce when he was contemplating a career as a New Jersey public administration academic, just like his antipodean pen pal, one Wayne Swan of Nambour.  Thankfully for us, Bruce chose to follow his musical muse.

Athletes Blame Addiction to Social Media for Poor Olympic Performance.  This is akin to La Triv blaming wallaroos in Wallingup for her weight gain.  Give me a break kids. Own your second place and wear it with pride.  Be grateful the Wide Brown Land taxpayer has generously helped you almost achieve your dream.  And if you no longer wish to follow the long black line, take up dusk photography and give your long-suffering parents back their sleep-ins.

John Hamm’s Growth Voted One of TV’s Top 10 Hiatus Beards.  No, this has nothing to do with him providing a straight shield for a gay man in the northen hemi summer.  Apparently one of our favourite Yurt residents has to shave twice a day when Mad Men’s in production, such is his manliness.  (Not that we ever doubted THAT here at the Console.)  So I guess he too is enjoying being au naturel now that he’s between seasons.

Foot-in-Mitt Disease in the Olympic City.  What has Mitt been smoking?  Or are we all missing the joke?

Newport Chainsaw Massacre.  Poor old whale!  V v sad on all fronts, and not a nice scenario for the peeps from the NSW National Parks and Wildlife Service to have to take care of.  Here at the Console, we hate to see the felling of a great marine creature.

And that’s a wrap.  Consider yourself armed with all you need to know to cement your status as the most popular conversationalist at soirées and luncheons this weekend.

Ciao.