It’s that time of year again…
Yup, the time when relationships are tested, nerves become frayed, and marriages stand or fall. Over the detangling of Christmas lights.
La Famiglia Trivialista-Seriousimo attacked the raising of the Christmas tree today, with mixed results.
Male JCC got his jingle on.
As did Female JCC.
Something screaming ‘togetherness’ had to be done after earlier events, in order to restore a feeling of famiglial accord. Seriousimo took the loin fruits to Nippers, and for some godsly unknown reason, acquiesced to the Female JCC’s request that she remove her rash vest at 1pm and contine swimming. With no sunscreen. For MORE THAN ONE HOUR
She is literally burnt to a cinder.
Now, such has been la dedication to protecting the fairness and frecklelessness of los loin fruits’ skins that La has actually lost diamond rings doing so. (Hello, lucky Noosa Woods walker circa New Years Eve 2010! Hope you’re enjoying that Percy Marks bling which, in all good conscience, you should have handed in to the Noosa coppers!)
I have slip, slop, slapped those kids instead of slip, slop, slapping me. I have done it when it was the last thing I felt like doing. I have dashed to pharmacies for emergency tubes of SPF. I have rubbed them down even when faced with tears, anger and writhing little half-wet bodies.
But still, on and on, summer after summer — and even winter after winter when seasonally appropriate — La’ve done it.
And today, when I was not there to do it, we end up with a child — one who is so fair she could pass as mauve — being exposed to at least an hour of the sun’s best finest. And ending up with what looks to La untrained eye suspiciously like first-degree burns.
You know that moment, the one when you’re over
40 35, and you visit the derm, and she looks you in the eye and asks — with no hint of a funny — “Have you ever, at any point in your life, been so sunburnt you blistered and peeled?”
And you’re tempted to respond, “I barely remember a time when it was not possible to pass hours and hours entertaining myself by peeling off vast translucent sheets of my own dermis.”
But instead you solemnly answer, “Once or twice”, and pray the fickle finger of melanoma will pass by your house and instead knock on some other poor pale-face’s door.
Well, because of today, Female JCC will never be able to respond with a firm and truthful “no” to the well-intentioned derm’s inquiry.
Srsly, La was hoping for some sort of utterly unblemished mother record on this one. I at least wanted to keep these loin fruits peel- (and ink-) free til 15. *Sighs with heavy heart*
At least, this Day of Sun, La Poocha Trivialista, Diggers, looks happy.
As does La Holy Famiglia.
Fingers crossed for a shady week x